Tuesday, January 6, 2009

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

Follows a list of things I may be when I grow up. Feel free to join me in any and all vocations.

1. A Pirate Pirate.

Pirates are no longer cool. Modern day pirates are jerks. So were historical ones, but time and romance have made them cool. New pirates....no coolness, just jerks. Therefore, I wish to hunt the pirates. I will dress in old school pirate garb, perhaps even have an eye-patch and definitely have a monkey. And on my ship, only pirate talk will be allowed. I will provide the Pirate Dictionary for those who need it. And we will capture pirates....it will be great fun.

2. Child Advocate Lawyer abroad and/or at home

I love kids. Not necessarily up close and personal, but everything a child is I love. And that innocence and delight that I experienced as a kid should not be taken away by adults and scumbags. So I want to help stop it. There is IJM, and there are also guys who ride in on motorcycles and steal the kids out of brothels. I would like to find the happy medium.

3. Bookstore AND Bar/Barbecue Joint Owner

Two stores. One, a used book store. It will have fantastic books and a well read staff. Like the Dusty, for you Manhattanites. The other, a great place to eat barbecue in the day and drink with friends at night. I could run both. I just need a good night manager/bartender. Any takers?

4. Secret Agent

I can't actually say any more on this subject.

5. An Eccentric Collegiate Professor

I want to be the guy that has been everywhere, done everything, and is now teaching to try and save the next generation. I want to give assignments that drive people crazy, but then add to who my students are as a whole. In short, I want to be Dr. Robert Linder.

6. A Treasure Hunter

When I was a kid, I always dreamed of tracking down a major treasure. I knew it would be dangerous, that I might be killed trying to recover the lost City of Gold or the Dutchman's Mine, but that was the life for me. I could do it too. Did you know that out in the middle of Kansas somewhere there are gopher holes filled with pennies from a botched bank robbery in the 1800s? Yeah, I might find them someday, who knows.

7. A Dad

This could go with any of the above jobs, even the Secret Agent...don't ask how, I already told you I can't say more. I would love to someday be a poppa. Have some rugrats and be challenged with raising them to be the people God wants them to be. It would be an honor and terrifying, but it would be nice. Now I just need to find a wife. I am told this is the best order of things....

Well, that is what I want to be. There will always be more to add. luckily, I don't have to grow up for a few years.....or decades.....or ever, so for now I am safe.


em. said...

number 3...i am so in, just let me know

Jenna said...

Well, have I got a deal for you. I could offer you two of those in one quick afternoon. I kid you not. Today at the preschool we made pirate hats. All 28 of us are going to be pirates tomorrow. *Secret* tomorrow we're going treasure hunting on the playground. You could hunt all of the pirates, and then you could hunt for our treasure and find it before we do. Except for me, because I am the one who gets to hide the treasure.

nick said...

I'd love to tend bar. It's on my list of jobs that I'd like to do before I die.

Sam said...

If you get a bar, Grania totally needs to be the mascot, or something along those lines.

And as your brother, I think I should be entitled to free stuff.