The Thinker

Imagine with me if you will. You enter a dining room. Before you there is a table laid out with intricately designed beautiful dishes. It is it by candles. Barely audible there s a blend of music that weaves its way into your subconscious, both soothing and inspiring you. As you sit, the chair is perfectly made to fit you at the exact height of the table. It is not overstuffed and lumpy, nor a hard wooden slab. You sit and wait.

The meal arrives. First a soup, not so filling as it is flavorful. With each rise of the spoon your taste buds practically leap from you tongue to embrace the smooth, warm broth. It wakens your senses and prepares your stomach to be filled with greater things to come. Second, a main course. The meat is a tender roast, cooked to perfection. Each bites melts off the fork. You find yourself chewing to excess, not because the meat is tough or needs processing, but because each bite is so good you do not want it to end. When it does, the only thing that consoles you as you swallow is the fact that there is another bite on its way. This is accompanied by a salad that is so fresh, crisp, and cool that it makes your body feel fresher just to ingest it. Finally, dessert arrives. Before you sits a culinary miracle. A cake so moist, so light, so perfectly baked that it is almost a shame to take a bite out of it. Almost. When you do, you are once again hit with a cornucopia of flavor. This time sweeter and thicker. The frosting is light, and accents the cake such that you cannot think of ever having eaten the one without the other. They are a perfect complimentary pair.

For me, my friends, a good intellectual conversation feels like that kind of a meal. A good intellectual conversation, where my brain is stretched and forced to accept new, even opposing thoughts, can be just as satisfying as sitting down to such a lovely spread as described above.

And tonight, I feasted.

Tonight, I went to a series of talks called TEDx KC. Some of you may have heard of TED Talks. They are presented annually at a conference. Originally set up to discuss what was happening in the world of Technology, Entertainment, and Design, they have grown to encompass all things intellectual and innovative. Some of the most brilliant minds in the world have spoken at TED conferences. And those talks are presented online for free.

A TEDx conference is a localized version. It has a similar format to TED, but is put on locally. The original TED conference has become such a big deal that one must apply to go, and it costs quite a bit of money. The local one I went to tonight was free, and I just had to be lucky enough to nab a ticket when they went on "sale". Which was harder than you might think they were out of tickets within an hour of them being available.

The speakers covered everything from new business strategies to how we interact with technology to human vulnerability to poop to how we inline gamers can save the world.

I will not cheapen the talks by trying to recap them here, I believe they will be up on the web soon. They inspired my mind in many ways, and I am still chewing on them some.

But they also inspired me to think a bit more about the conversations I have in everyday life. Tonight I saw 5 people who are the best at what they do present some crazy ideas. They are not the best at what they do by accident. They are the best a what they do because they have taken the time in their lives to discover their passions and then pursue them. And by pursue, I don't mean they just went out and bought some books and checked out some web pages. I mean they let their minds marinate on what they are passionate about. They asked questions of people. They set up discussions. They put their ideas out to the world, and let that begin to shape and reshape what they did.

Powerful.

One speaker tonight pointed out that much of our conversation revolves around media. We talk about television and movies as though we were experiencing them ourselves. We are comfortable with made up story lines because those problems are solved within a set context, and we can rejoice in the solution.

But how often do we engage in intellectual, mentally stimulating, original thought conversation. How often do we stop "exploring" the meaning behind LOST or Monday Night Football (I know, Sam, you just took in a deep breath) and have a real conversation about the world that actually exists around us?

I hang out with wicked smart people. I hang out with people who everyday solve problems, little and big, to make their worlds work better. I am not saying that you, dear reader, do not think. And I am not saying that I am not just as guilty of spending a huge percentage of my conversating time discussing Scrubs, Psych, and Date Night.

What I am saying is that tonight's delicious feast of deep thinking discussion got me to thinking about how much I love to go deeper. To have real conversations that matter and have a lasting impact. To have a conversation that was working towards a goal of better understanding for both myself and my fellow dialoguer.

If we really did spend our words wisely, talking over real issues, solving real problems, I think we could each begin to have some pretty amazing impacts in our own small spheres, which could even bleed out into larger spheres of influence. If instead of discussing the latest episode of Modern Family, we engaged in a discussion of energy conservation, aid to the poor in our area, how to reach out to children in need, or ways to build a better automobile, what would start changing in our lives? I don't mean every conversation has to be deep and meaningful. We certainly SHOULD discuss Modern Family, and often. But maybe just start working on shifting the balance. Let the mindless, entertainment conversations be the minority, let the expanding of ideas conversations be the lions share of talk.

See where that goes. Sharp minds sharpening other sharp minds. Engaged people engaging in the world around them.

Just a thought. Just a thought.

Insomnia...We Meet Again

Well dear reader, you have finally found me here again. The reason? A wee bit of insomnia. When I was in high school I went entire weeks without sleeping more than a few, dream-filled hours a night. In college, I never really slept much. For years after, as I entered the work force and took jobs that drained me of all my energy, I slept like a rock.

...Now I sit at a desk all day, and my old friend Insomnia has returned. Last night it was dreams. Crazy dreams. Dreams involving the kidnapping of certain friends, and my inability to find them. Tonight, it is sleeplessness all together. I am hoping this will exhaust my brain a bit, so when I sleep, I will not dream. Unless the girls get kidnapped again....then I suppose dream hero me will have to step up.

Anyway, this post should not be about dreaming....what to discuss......

I have it!

Smell association. You know how when you hear a song it can take you back to a set place and time? The same, at least for me, works with smells.

Last week, it was just about to rain, and was slightly humid outside. The air was thick, and held the damp, restless smell of a coming storm. I stepped out of the office, and when the first breeze hit me I was suddenly back in 9th grade at Worlds of Fun. That day I took two of my friends with me to enjoy the park. One a girl I liked, the other a good guy friend. The whole park smelled like a storm was coming, because it was. I remember that the day ended with the guy and the girl I brought dating....the coming storm was more than just weather :)

The other day I was throwing something away in a public trashcan, and I caught a whiff of Grizzly Chewing Tobacco. How do I know what that smells like? It was what my grandfather chewed. The minty, sickly smell immediately took me to when I was 14, riding in his painting van, learning how to paint. We were riding along in silence, I believe he thought I needed to learn to be still and listen to life. With that simple olfactory stimulation I felt as though I was physically in that old van again. And my heart broke a little when broke free of that and came back to the real world.

And then there was tonight when I went in to my parent's basement. My father is a printer, and he was running his press. The chemicals used in this process are strong, their odor filled the basement. And upon entering the basement my nose took me back to the printing office he once had in a church, where he worked my entire childhood. That was a wonderful place. The shelves all had things to play with, like airplanes and cars. Outside of his office sat the pop machine, which he had the key to, and on special occasions, we could "sneak" in and get one..always orange. I love orange. He had a drafting table set up to do his layouts on, and we would sit on stools, taking exacto knives and cutting into the rubbery surface, the only time we were allowed to fulfill such destructive impulses. I can describe what the room looked like, all the trinkets, including an ash tray I made for him (he did not smoke) and a real taxidermied piranha I bought him for Father's Day one year (because who does not want one of those). But it is the smell of the ink that brings me back to that place in my heart.

There are many, many other scents that will trigger my memory, but, luck for you, this exercise has done its job. I am now off to try once again to sleep. If you made it this far, you are thanked for putting up with my late night ramblings. Hopefully my next post will be of some more substance.

G'night

Hrumph

I took the LSAT.

Thought you, dear reader, should know.

Adventure

Today, as I tried to clear my mind from a day of frustration towards work and studying for a test I must soon take, which I may bomb, I began to contemplate why I was working so hard for a new future.

There are the obvious answers. I feel that God has a plan for me. I want to make something of my life. I hate what I do now with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.

But there is something more. Something that I believe has kept human-kind moving ever forward since time began.

ADVENTURE

We all crave it. Grown men and women, young children, teens sitting in 5th hour Algebra. I do not know any person who has not at one time other felt a desire to have "more adventure" in his or her life.

History is packed with it. In fact, most of what we know about ancient cultures comes from studying their remains (an adventure in itself) and their stories, which are inevitably all about their adventures. Ancient Greece and Rome, The battles of Troy, the Spartans, Hercules great tasks. Ancient African stories about jungle creatures and their adventures in taming their worlds. Native American stories about great battles, or how Raven gained the Sun for the earth through an adventurous trick. The stories of 1,000 Arabian Nights, filled with terrible and horrifying adventures.

Looking at the world today, it seems that it would almost be easy to say that all of the cool adventuring has already been done. Want to know what is on the other side of the world? Google it. Explorers hundreds of years ago already took ships around finding everything (even though plenty of people groups were shocked to discover they had been lost). Want to climb the highest mountain? It has been done. Want to fly around the world? Done. Want survive a tornado by strapping a leather belt around your waste? Bill Paxton did it for a movie (that was real footage, right?) Anyway, you see my point. It seems at the surface that all we have left for true gritty, never before done adventure is Deep Space Travel and Deep Ocean Travel. That and ridiculously dangerous adventures (Steve Fossett ring any bells?).

But the more I think about it, the more I think the truth of the matter is that all of the easy adventures have been taken. The most difficult ones are yet to be conquered. There is still more adventure to be had in this world than we could ever fulfill. Discovering continents, battling dragons, topping mountains, and even fighting space aliens are all tough tasks. But they are nothing compared to the real adventures that await humankind.

So I can't climb a mountain and say I am the first. Fine. What if I am the first person to say that I played my part in eradicating the sexual slave trade in Taiwan?

No new continents to discover you say? How about I join the team that pioneers the great breakthrough that discovers the cure for cancer cells, HIV, diabetes....

We've been on the surface of the moon, but what about being the farmer that works with our surface here to feed hungry children?

Women are raped. Men are slaughtered. Children are torn from their beds. All so that different factions of people can claim superiority to a ragged and tired piece of bloody land. What an adventure it would be to wade into that mess, with a message of love and peace, and actually being a part of the people who see to it that homes are safe, families kept together, love a greater threat to leaders than guns.

The adventures of our future will find their anchor in the hearts of mankind, not of the earth. We have "conquered" the mountains. We have "mastered" the land and sea. But all the while we have ignored the most dangerous adventure, exploring and conquering the struggling world of man (and woman). As long as there are homeless, hungry, abused, and abandoned in this world, we have plenty of adventure awaiting us.

Some reading this will say that these are the hopes of an inexperienced dreamer. They will state that once I have had a chance to see the way the world works, I will understand that these things are not possible. That I can try to help, but that there will always be another war, another disease, another sick son of a bitch who wants to destroy children.

And they are probably right. But the adventure is not in the completed task. It is in the act of completing it. History may not remember those who sought adventure and failed, this is true. But it also has no recollection of the masses that told the Wright Brothers they were ridiculous to want to fly. It looks back with disdain at the way people treated Galileo. Those who told Magellan, Marco Polo, Neil Armstrong, and Emelia Earhart that they should focus on tangible, achievable goals.

And there are already plenty of modern day adventurers to join. People in the last century who lived lives of adventure that centered around people. Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela are some of the famous modern day adventurers. But there are so many more. Slightly less known, but just as adventurous, Greg Mortenson, author of Three Cups of Tea. Brother Andrew, who brought has spent the last 20 years trying to bring peace and understanding to differing peoples in the Middle East. Muhammad Yunas and his brilliant micro-lending plans.

And then the countless individuals in every community who are stepping into adventure to help their world and community.

I don't really want to be remembered amongst these men and women. But I do know what stirred in them, and it stirs in me. They took the easy adventures, and I applaud them for it. But I am not afraid of the adventure awaiting me. It will be just as daring, just as terrifying, just as exhilarating.

Join me in an adventure?

The Fight is Ever Tougher

Well, dear reader, I have returned. What has caused my return? I have found something worth writing about.....

URBANA '09

Some of you reading this knew I made the last minute decision to come. Many of you helped me to actually get here. What follows are my thoughts after day one....


....this world is jacked. Seriously. Evil has a stronghold in this world, and it is employing devious and deadly tricks to grasp desperately at its power. And when one looks at it as a whole, one can get discouraged. One can begin to believe the lie that there is too much to be done, that this Hydra cannot be killed. That as soon as you cut one head off, stop one brothel, shut down one sweat shop, three more will rise up.

One can look at the growing darkness and begin to become afraid of what is out there.

Today, I sat and spoke with an awesome woman who has been serving the cause for child justice in Cambodia. Her organization had been centered in the main cities there, but had found that they were in competition for the kids with other aid and justice organizations. They decided that they would leave the cities and head into the rural villages. They thought they would walk in, tell these villagers that they were there to love them in the name of Christ, and that they would be accepted.

This is when they discovered that Satan had a new ploy, one so devious it made them weep tears of frustration (and nearly me as she told me). What they discovered was that the slave traders had beat them to the towns. And what they had done there was deplorable. They walked in, set up a "mission" and stated they were missionaries. They stated they were there in the name of Christ, and that they were there to teach the children. They then had the kids come in for Sunday school. They earned the family's trust. They then took the kids on a retreat....where they abused them, sold them into slavery, and used them up.

Villagers were being warned to not trust Christians, that Christians would steal their children. That Christians would destroy their children.

And rage built in me. And I could feel Christ's rage. His name, His church, His reputation has been tarnished so that evil can better succeed in its destruction.

The woman I spoke with explained that her initial reaction was that she was crushed. That she felt absolutely defeated. That she felt that this was a blow that she did not know how to overcome.

But she kept working at it, The only answer was to keep loving. To love stronger, harder, better. To commit to staying in each community until the real love of Christ showed through. Her answer was to strap in, put on her big-girl pants, and get down and dirty in the fight against evil. Evil wanted to present itself as Christ, and tarnish the name while doing it. She fought back by letting the truth of who Christ is shine through.

What a humbling moment. She looked at me and said, "You cannot give up. People with our hearts cannot give up. These children need to be heard." She had been faced with the devil's terrifyingly brilliant scheme, and she chose to follow through. The road was longer, harder, and much more dangerous than she had expected. The earning of trust, the attaining of the goal, the saving of the children, was not immediate, was not obtained in a month, or two months. It took considerable time and effort.

And that is what I am learning thus far. I have always known that following God can be hard. I have known that to follow the Lord requires a commitment of high and demanding standards. but what I am seeing at this Urbana thus far is that evil is trying to outwit, out do, out think the kingdom of God. I have no doubt that God will win. I have no doubt that the evil in this world will be brought to justice. I don't even doubt that some of that justice can be accomplished by men and women on this earth. But it will be a hard go. The commitment level is unbelievably demanding. Jesus told me it would be this way. He is not surprised that evil is getting smarter, that it is masking itself in a prettier package so that more will be sucked in. He is not surprised, and he is not scared, but he knows what it means. He knows that in order to see justice done, all other desires must be abandoned. He warned me I would not have a hole to live in. he warned me I would not have a family. He warned me I would not find my joy here, and that death to myself would be the price.

But he made in me a heart that yearns for His justice, and therefore, He has given me His family. Within that, thankfully, I have my own blood family, for they support my heart, and encourage my passions. But He has also given me an extended family in Him. He has provided those who have gone before, those who can encourage and call out. Those who can tell me that it has been difficult, but also that it has been worth it.

That is Urbana folks. Darkness is identified. Darkness is recognized. Darkness is given the degree of seriousness it demands. BUT, those who have gone before stand proudly and say they have looked into the eyes, the heart, the terrifying mass of darkness, and they have seen that there is one thing it cannot overcome. It can overcome man. It can overcome theological debates. It can overcome missionaries intending good. But it cannot overcome The Light. The Light which came into the world, which headed straight for the darkness, but the darkness could not overcome it.

And when the darkening world begins to look a bit to powerful, too terrifying, too grand. When my strength gives out, and it is easier to stay in my job and live my simple life than struggle against the darkness. When I want to run and hide and pretend that darkness cannot catch me, has not begun to creep into my bones, my mind, my heart. When all this is true, the Light rushes out, screaming at the darkness, terrifying IT with the strength of the one true God. And I am reminded that my puny strength is not what will hold back the darkness. That was taken care of on a cross many years ago.

I am not called to fight of my own strength, but to fight with the Light of the World. And to be in it for the long hall. Evil has some fancy moves, but my team has the stamina to stay in the game and wear evil out. They can use every trick play in the book, my team will run them down with solid play and truth at the forefront.

So far what I hear Urbana saying to me is, don't watch the world and shake your head. Don't wait for the easy time to plunge in.Don't fear the growing darkness, for it already fears the name you carry.

So, here I go, to spend my week looking into what that means.

Summer Gone By

Well, the summer is finished. Not the actual summer. Just mine. My summer employment with YouthWorks! Inc. has finished. I left West Virginia on Sunday, was in Philedelphia by Sunday night, Angola, Indiana on Tuesday night, St. Louis, Missouri on Thursday night, and back in my house in ole OP on Friday....what a trip.

God and I got along grand this summer. He taught me a great deal about leading people, about what real passion for serving in His kingdom is, and about how I am best motivated and able to serve.

He also taught me that my passion for Him must be a constant yearning. That I cannot sustain myself on a summer long sojourn into God's kingdom and then coast for 9 months waiting for Jesus Lightning to strike. Jesus Lightning is, for those unfamiliar, the brilliant flash of passion and motivation to love and serve the world that comes from nowhere unbidden. I won't say it doesn't exist, just that it is not something to sit around and wait for.

It is funny how I can spend an entire summer in West Virginia, have so many stories, memories, and fantastic moments that Haley and I can talk for 9 hours straight from Philly to Angola, and yet when I sit down here, it all seems to blur together.

So I guess you are going to have to ask me for specific details, because this broadstroke writing is not going to happen. I am discovering how much I hate sitting here at this thing.

So I will close out with this:

I STILL NEED A JOB!

So come Monday, you will find me beating the asphalt down as I try to find someone who wants to hire this spectacular employee to be. Those of you looking to hire....you had better call quick!

I will let you, dear reader, know how it goes.

At the End

So last week was Lincoln County's last week of programming. I know, I have failed you, dear reader. I have not updated. I have not posted pictures. I have not shared the many deep thoughts and movements of heart that God has been giving me.

I am tired. That is all the excuse I have. Shameful, I know. But when I come to the end of the day, or a brief break, forgive me beloved, but in front of a computing machine is not where I want to be. So perhaps when I get home I will write about my amazing staff, how God used each of them to change Lincoln County, youths' lives, and me. How I am going to miss them a great deal, and how they have touched my world. Perhaps I will write about the youth groups I saw, about those that were fired up for Christ, and serving His people. Or those with a lack of passion for a life radically changed by God, the "thrill seeking" churches as I have decided to call them. Perhaps I will write about a new project that I think is growing on my heart, a way to meet and love the people of our fair land. Perhaps I will write about West Virginia, her beauty, her anger, her need.

I will certainly write about the funny experiences. I will most definitely write about God and all that He did. I will write, I promise, life upon my return home.

But for now my mind is worn down. I have no more deep thoughts in me.

So I ask, instead, for prayer. I have $900 in my checking account. By the weekend, that will be down to $300. By next Wednesday....maybe $100.....

I need a job. I need to decide if I move again. I need to decide if I can stay in Kansas City and try to find work, or if I should look in other states where a chance of work is offered. I felt like God led me to YouthWorks....but I have no idea what the next step should be. And I am getting a little nervous.

So pray for me, my friends. And if anyone is looking to hire an excellent History degree holding ex-Habitat homebuilder/Maintenance man/Site Director....let me know:)